And now for your added enjoyment, we also cover Before Crisis - the cellphone game that Square-Enix refuses to let English-speaking fans play! If you are not familiar with the game, we heartily suggest you read up at Gunshot Romance, our favorite BC site and where we shamelessly stole Adrian's name from!
Director: Orin
Assistant Writer: Schala
Zack: Greg
Sephiroth: Greg
Lazard: Michael
Genesis: Ryuu
Angeal: Dirk
Cloud: MoChan
Kunsel: Karras
Hojo: Karras
Aerith: Schala
Scarlet: Orin
Hollander: Michael
Palmer: Michael
Rufus: Sci
Tseng: Tyger
Reno: Greg
Cissnei: MoChan
Adrian: Dirk
Minerva: Orin
Yuffie: Grabielsangel
Audio Dramas
Motorcycle (1:09, 1.08M)
Cast: Sephiroth, Lazard, Angeal, and Genesis
Summary: A nice, quiet afternoon with our First Classes and their director hanging out, avoiding work. Such simple pleasures.
New Recruits (1:51, 1.74M)
Cast: Zack and Cloud
Summary: The first meeting between Zack and Cloud. The real one. It was later repressed.
Business (2:03, 1.92M)
Cast: Kunsel and Zack
Summary: One word: Kunsel. Which should still be Kansel. But that's more than one word.
Oops (1:22, 1.29M)
Cast: Lazard and Zack
Summary: Lazard is a good listener.
Bedtime Story (4:58, 4.66M)
Cast: Hojo, Sephiroth, Genesis, Angeal, and Lazard
Summary: Hojo attempts to conduct an experiment in bonding
Not Straight (5:30, 5.16M)
Cast: Lazard, Sephiroth, Angeal, and Genesis
Summary: The implications of Lazard's outfit are discussed in detail.
The Other Woman (2:31, 2.37M)
Cast: Zack and Aerith
Summary: All the problems of dating a SOLDIER summed up in one phone call.
Pink Materia (2:31, 7.09M)
Cast: Zack and Hojo
Summary: One of the greatest mysteries in Final Fantasy VII is finally explained.
Birds and Bees (5:41, 6.66M)
Cast: Hojo and Sephiroth
Summary: Like many parents, Hojo has trouble giving his son "the talk."
Blind Date (2:31, 2.37M)
Cast: Sephiroth, Scarlet and Hojo
Summary: One of the many reasons why Sephiroth lost it.
Everything Excites Fanboys (3:59, 3.65M)
Cast: Cloud, Sephiroth, and Lazard
Summary: Even the most banal of information can cause a fangasm sometimes.
Drunken Dial (9:23, 8.59M)
Cast: Hojo, Sephiroth, Palmer, Hollander, Angeal, Zack, Kunsel, Lazard, and a special guest appearance by Gackt!
Summary: This is why Professor Hojo should never be allowed to drink. Doesn't help that all you need to call someone in Shinra is a four-digit extension.
Birthday (5:22, 4.93M)
Cast: Angeal, Zack, Sephiroth, Lazard, Genesis, and Rufus
Summary: We will gladly accept fanart of the cakes. Or cakes of the cakes. Whatever is more entertaining.
Turkish Discotheque (9:40, 8.86M)
Cast: Tseng, Reno, Cissnei, Andrian, Hojo, and Zack with special guest stars Toshiyuki Morikawa, Kenichi Suzumura, and Junichi Suwabe
Summary: If the dialogue doesn't amuse you, the music will.
Angeal Likes Plants (4:31, 2.07M)
Cast: Angeal, Zack, and Genesis
Summary: All First Class SOLDIERs are crazy. Period.
Getting Aerith Laid (4:03, 3.70M)
Cast: Aerith, Minerva, Zack and some random guys
Summary: Here at Crisis Perverted, not even deities are safe from our humor.
Drunk Chocobos (3:34, 3.28M)
Cast: Sephiroth, Zack, Angeal, Tseng and Lazard
Summary: We think that alcohol is funny. Sephiroth does not.
People Skills (3:14, 2.97M)
Cast: Zack and Yuffie
Summary: Zack attempts to give a lesson in etiquette... no, we never expected to see that sentence either.
Multimedia by Us
Listen to the original four with Director's Commentary by Orin - Everything is better with commentary.
Greetings from Hojo - We promise this video won't adversely effect your DNA.
Greetings from Lazard - It's time for some venting.
Greetings from Yuffie - Kleptomania and cuteness are not mutually exclusive.
Greetings from Zack, Sephiroth, and Reno - Three for the price of one!
Multimedia by Fans
The Best of Crisis Perverted by KaiteVanHelsing - Exactly what it says on the tin.
Birthday Org Mash-Up by QueenGalux - When Crisis Perverted and OrgLIX are smushed together even further.
Why Are You Gay? by QueenGalux - It's just as funny with the characters switched around.